Does Money Grow on Trees? Rethinking What We Teach Our Kids

Sunny (00:05.846)
Alright, guys, we are back. It is season two of GoodMom. Hi, Lindsay.

Lindsay (00:08.75)
Hi Sunny, it's so good to see you. We've been on a little hiatus for a bit, haven't we? Yeah.

Sunny (00:15.916)
You know what? We have been trying some different things. And I think honestly, that's what life is all about. You try some things, you see if it works. You know, we were kind of trying to do the whole live thing with the show, and we had a lot of fun doing that. And but for our schedule and for what we want to do, that may not be the right fit right now, is what Lindsay and I determined. We're like, you know what we really love is just

Lindsay (00:22.637)
Yes.

Lindsay (00:35.595)
Yeah.

Sunny (00:40.106)
Recording these things and putting them out there for you guys and connecting in that way. And you gotta lead, you know, Lindsay, we always talk about this, like lead with your highest excitement. And for us, this format, this kind of podcasty, video podcasty format is what we love to do. And so that's what we're gonna do for now. We love it.

Lindsay (00:49.602)
Yes This is it!

Lindsay (00:55.127)
Yeah.

Lindsay (00:58.561)
Totally. And I just need to tell a little story about this because you know, Sunny lives in San Diego most of the year and I live in Florida most of the year. And we ended up getting together in Ohio this

Sunny (01:10.412)
We did 'cause that makes perfect sense.

Lindsay (01:12.823)
So awesome because we got to be face to face. And I think it had been almost two years since we were in the same room. We were trying to figure it out. It was close to that. Anyway, the whole idea that we were sitting together and just talking about stuff, things that happened in life and how things were going at the time. That's when we really got clear, too, that you know, whoever's listening to us right now, we would love for you to join us in a living room context somewhere.

And I'm kind of feeling like it's gonna be on a cruise ship next year. So I'm putting it out there right now because we, you and I, Sunny, have so much fun just sitting with people and talking about these topics. And some of them get kind of heavy deep and real, and some of them are more lighthearted and goofy. But the truth of the matter is if you have friends called moms, this turns out a little bit better. So

Sunny (02:03.916)
Ha ha ha

Lindsay (02:06.322)
We hope that you'll enjoy this process and you'll listen to us anyway, even if it's not live. And maybe sometime we will do live, but I think we're gonna be live on a cruise ship and we hope you'll come with us. So I'll keep you posted on that.

Sunny (02:16.042)
Yes. And Lindsay is the queen of cruises, you guys. If you don't know, Lindsay loves to go on cruises. I I admire you so much because you will just go by yourself. And I'm just like, that's amazing. That is like the coolest thing ever. The last time I was on a cruise, I think it was a Disney cruise with my husband and my boys, and they were way little and we got sick. That's a whole story in itself. So I need a redo. I need a redo that.

Lindsay (02:27.901)
I will.

Lindsay (02:36.394)
Have fun. Yep. Yeah. Do over. Do over. Do over. Yeah, and this year is my 60th year on the planet. And I believe that this year, because I planned it this way, I will actually take my 60th cruise this year in November. Yeah. So I will have been on a single cruise, you know, whatever, some cruise.

Sunny (02:46.092)
That's right. That's right. So

Sunny (03:00.418)
Holy cow.

Sunny (03:05.047)
Yeah, yeah.

Lindsay (03:05.626)
One time for every year I've been alive. And that's my intention is to kind of make that a a thing. So

Sunny (03:11.75)
that is so awesome. So do you already have the cruise planned or you don't have it planned yet? you do? Okay. Okay.

Lindsay (03:14.526)
I do. No no no. I have it planned. It's the end of November. We'll be going to the Caribbean. So yeah, I'm going with my sister outlaws. It's gonna be great. So much fun. Yeah.

Sunny (03:22.798)
Aww, I love that. And I'm very jealous at the same time. I do. Okay, well you need money to do that. And that is the topic of our show today, guys. Money money money.

Lindsay (03:29.64)
Yeah. So....

Lindsay (03:35.24)
This is our topic for today. Yes, money, money, money.

Sunny (03:38.975)
Okay, and how it relates to family life and your kids and all this kind of stuff. So the the there's a million different things that we can talk about when it comes to money, Lindsay, but the thing that's happening in my life, because you know I like to pull in things that I'm currently dealing with because motherhood is no joke.

Lindsay (03:49.065)
Mm.

Lindsay (03:57.094)
No joke.

Sunny (03:57.411)
So you guys know my oldest son, he's now sixteen, believe it or not. And a lot of things happen when you turn 16. My husband and I, we got him a car, but it's a used car. It's a very interesting car. We'll save that for another episode.

But it brings up all of these questions about money. Okay, so we paid for the car. That was his birthday gift, but it was a very inexpensive car, okay? And he now has a girlfriend. So he, you know, w we keep getting the question from our son of, you know, how am I gonna pay for this? You know, can you give me money? All this kind of stuff. So we've had to like, you know, kind of figure this out. And I'm not so sure we do have it figured out.

Lindsay (04:29.201)
Yes. Ooh.

Sunny (04:45.068)
Out because I I kind of have some different perspectives on this. You know, just real quick background for me. I do, or I my brother passed away, but growing up, I had a brother. he was about 12 years older than me. So my mom would always joke around and say she had two only children, right? So I kind of I kind of grew up as an only child, even though I had a brother. And

Lindsay (05:02.875)
Yeah. Yeah.

Sunny (05:09.206)
You know, it it it might be different for families where you just have one kid, I'm not sure. But I really didn't have to have a regular job, you know, like in school. I didn't have to do that kind of stuff. My parents were more of the mindset of, hey, if you do good in school and you know, you are just a a good kid, whatever that means, right? That they would, you know, trust me with money. So for example, when I got my license.

Lindsay (05:19.611)
Mm. Yeah. Yeah.

Lindsay (05:28.401)
Mm. Yeah.

Sunny (05:39.072)
license. my parents bought me a new car actually. And my dad's an insurance agent, so he had some other concerns about used cars. But they did buy me a new card, new car. And they also gave me a gas card that I could charge my gas with.

Lindsay (05:50.542)
Ha ha

Lindsay (05:54.532)
Ooh Okay.

Sunny (05:56.736)
Now, that was under the premise of you gotta keep your grades up and no horseplay, right? If we find out that you're screwing around with your friends and doing stupid stuff, that stuff's gonna be taken away. And again, they could afford to do this because I was an only child. So that's kind of what I grew up with. And I'm not saying that that is the model for all kids, but my husband grew up with the exact opposite. You work for everything, you earn it, you know what I'm saying? So now we're coming together.

Lindsay (06:03.696)
Yeah, no trouble.

Lindsay (06:25.04)
Yep. Yeah.

Sunny (06:26.799)
raising our children going well what is the best way to do this? So anyways Lindsay, this is my life and I'm trying to figure out not just with car stuff but with money in general because these kids cost money.

Lindsay (06:37.517)
It's just money. Yeah. Yeah, they do. Kids are not inexpensive. I my goodness. And I feel it. You know, I really understand where this can create some friction. And there's a terminology called your money shadow that I think would be interesting for some people to get behind and start really looking at. Is like, what is your fundamental belief or fundamental misperception about money that came from childhood? You know, I had a mother who was an accountant.

Sunny (06:43.883)
Yeah.

Sunny (07:02.391)
Okay.

Lindsay (07:06.754)
So just like you, you know, she loved to count the money and money never grew on trees. And I used to say, and I distinctly remember it even at like age seven or eight, but what if it did? Okay, so right.

Sunny (07:21.227)
You rebel.

Lindsay (07:24.684)
You know, it's like my money philosophy, even without being trained by my parents, was that there was always plenty for that which you really needed. Always. And if you wanted something more, then you had to set a really strong intention around that and either do something about it, get a job, you know, whatever. There was always some way. You could even ask a different family member for the money if something was really important to you. So

Sunny (07:34.254)
Mm. Mm-hmm.

Sunny (07:41.547)
Okay.

Lindsay (07:51.925)
It's the money shadow, the belief, the fundamental belief that you've got. And so you have one that as an only child, as long as I'm good and I do the right things, I money's fine. It's always, it's always there. And your husband says, Well, no, it's not. Money's only there if you do something to earn it, right? So these are the fundamental perceptions of money. So the question is, is what does your son think? Like after f 16 years of growing up on the planet.

Sunny (07:55.222)
Right.

Sunny (08:17.517)
Hmm.

Lindsay (08:20.468)
And having these two parents who had these two philosophies, he's learned a lot, whether it was obvious or you know, not. The question is what does he believe? You know, and it would be a fun conversation to have. And so I'm kind of saying this in my out loud voice for anyone who's listening. There there's three of you conversing about this topic. And it is important to know what the sixteen year old or the teenager is really thinking. Cause I know in my world it

Sunny (08:31.17)
Yeah.

Lindsay (08:49.068)
Grew on trees and money was never hard for me. Ever. Like you know.

Sunny (08:54.765)
You know what? That's so that's so interesting, Lindsay, because my husband, especially when we were first married, he would say that to me, Sunny, money doesn't grow on trees. And I money has just never been something that I really cared about truly. Like I wanna do stuff, but I'm not like

Lindsay (09:02.581)
Yeah, right. Correct.

Sunny (09:13.779)
I always felt like if I had a bunch of money in a checking account that it was wasted. I'm like, what's the point of that? Like that's just my kind of mindset with things. And I used to get upset when my husband would say Sunny money doesn't grow on trees. But I'm like you, Lindsay. I think it kind of does because of your belief system, right? Yes. And so, but here's the tricky part. Here's the tricky part with your kids though, right? 

Lindsay (09:19.905)
Yeah. Yeah.

Lindsay (09:28.265)
I know. It kinda does. Yes, right. So that's the tricky b so where's your son?

Sunny (09:38.254)
Actually, I've never asked my son what his, you know, I'm kind of embarrassed to admit, but I've I'm yeah, I've never had that conversation with him. But yeah, it would be interesting to see what his belief system is about that.

Lindsay (09:41.194)
There you go. So let's find out what his...

Sunny (09:52.494)
And you know, because that's what I would love for him to be able to, you know, do what he wants to do and you know, manifest, if you will, or create money because of his belief system. Like, because I think that is how the universe works. I'm just dealing with a 16-year-old who might be in a very different mindset. I don't know if you guys have 16-year-olds in your life. Most of the time they're not talking about manifestation, most of the time. So that's what I'm dealing with right now.

Lindsay (10:01.152)
Well and it so this is perfect because, you know, in alignment with our book that's gonna come out sometime in 2027, twenty seven, the the idea here is what is he creating? And and it's okay to start at the teenage years to really deepen your relationship with the kid by saying, What are you trying to create? You have a girlfriend, what do you think's gonna happen? You're gonna go and make her pay for everything or what is the idea here behind this. 

Sunny (10:39.468)
Yeah. Right.

Lindsay (10:45.669)
What's the experience you want to have? And then what is it going to take for you to have that experience is a another conversation. Well what do you believe is true? That mom and dad should pay for everything? You know, it's your life is and it we're not making you right or wrong. I just want to know. And so these are the conversations that we're encouraging parents to have much earlier in the cycle. Don't wait until it's too late. I mean

I was having money conversations with my 75 year old mother when she was dying. You know, and it's like, hello, we need to have some plans. You know, this is you can't just leave me in the lurch because I gotta figure stuff out. So so why not start young and try to understand a little bit more? And I think it's important. Like there's some people with a school of thought that, you know, every child at age six and seven, if they get an allowance, let's just say, if that's a thing, that one third of it they get to spend however they want.

Sunny (11:24.832)
Yeah.

Lindsay (11:42.512)
One third goes into savings and one third is tithing. They give it away to some philanthropic cause of their own nature, whether it's church or otherwise. Okay, cool. That's a school of thought. Is it the right one? We don't know. Nobody really knows. That's the truth of it. You don't really know. But I can say this underneath all of it is what experience are you trying to create with that? What what you know, you want your kids to learn about something

Sunny (11:59.181)
Right.

Lindsay (12:11.653)
Whether it's philanthropy or being good for the common, you know, the good of others, or it's about saving. I mean, my daughter, who's now 30, is the ultimate world saver. I'm she will save, save, save, save, save, and then she'll go blow it on a brand new iPhone foldable. Because she wants that thing and she's not waiting for the next one, you know? 

Sunny (12:29.631)
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

Lindsay (12:36.573)
She has a philosophy is save it, save it, save it, kind of for the rainy day or the super cool thing you really want. And then she goes and freaking gets it. Like she's not gonna, she won't deny herself. So you see how these philosophies are just so different, and there's no one right way. That's the cool thing, as we all know, there's always ways.

Sunny (12:40.393)
You know what I'm realizing as you're talking, Lindsay, is my daughters have a completely different philosophy about money that that that they probably wouldn't even be able to define for you if you asked them. But now now since we're having this conversation, so I think I've talked about this on GoodMom Mom before, but my daughters, you know, I homeschool my girls and so they've got time during the day and they started, you know, walking our dog, you know, outside and throughout the neighborhood. Our neighborhood has about two hundred or so homes in it and it's a gated community. So we kind of know, you know, a lot of the people there. Exactly. And so they started doing that with our dog. And then because they were doing it during school hours, people would be like, hey, can you walk my dog? Can you walk my dog? So just by them doing something they already love to do because they love our dog. my god, they love our dog.

Lindsay (13:48.986)
Yeah.

Sunny (13:50.09)
And so just by them doing that, that turned into a money situation where people started paying them to walk their dogs. And so my daughters were able to buy they have iPhones. They were able to buy their own iPhones and pay for that on their own. And and simply because they were leading with what was their highest excitement, which is our dog, you know?

Lindsay (14:00.004)
Love it. Yes. Correct. There you go. And that's how life works, ladies and gentlemen. We can mic drop right there because it really does work to find what lights you up and do that. And the more that that gets done, the more people see you doing that and they go, that's really cool. Ca I need that. Can you help me with this? And then the next thing you know, you're planning weddings or you're fixing cars or whatever you're doing. So that is the truth of it. And money.

Sunny (14:20.939)
Right.

Lindsay (14:40.922)
Talking to kids about money is probably the number one thing we could say on this episode. Just talk to them about it. Don't use it as a battering ram or a weapon. It's a discussion item. As simple as what do you want for dinner? You know, I mean, it does not need to be hard and complicated and scary. And if money's tight in your family, money's tight. There's a budget, we can only do certain things. This is the way it is right now. And

Sunny (14:45.58)
Right.

Lindsay (15:09.989)
Explaining that to kids so they can become aware that it ebbs and flows, and sometimes it's in superflow, and sometimes it's not. And that's okay too. You always learn through those processes. That's what they want from us as parents. They need to think about money in the way that it serves their highest passion and love of life. What is the most coolest thing right now? Is it the girlfriend? Is it the car?

Sunny (15:18.571)
Yeah.

Lindsay (15:38.953)
Is it the fact that I'm playing this sport or that sport or that I'm doing these things? W If you prioritize things in life, all of a sudden you'll notice, there's always money for that. You know? And I remember having a conversation with my parents about me wanting to go to France when I was 15. I had an opportunity and I really wanted to go and spend do, you know, do an exchange and stay with a family. And I can recall my dad saying, She has to go.

Sunny (15:49.697)
Right. Yeah.

Lindsay (16:08.47)
You know, because that was his philosophy, is like she was so excited about this, she needs to go, we have to make this happen. And my mom was like, She actually did. She said, There's always enough for something that's really important. And that was the truth. And that was my highest priority at age fifteen, was I I want to go to France. And it was truly probably one of the greatest gifts they ever created for and with me. You know, I washed cars, I did things to help pay for the

Sunny (16:26.283)
Yeah. Yeah.

Lindsay (16:36.607)
spending money that I was gonna need for six weeks in France. But you know, it's like at the same time, they helped and they said, but we want to serve and help you have this experience because we would have loved to have done this when we were 15 and didn't get to go or whatever. So those discussions are the most important thing. It's less about the actual money itself or the lack thereof. There's always a creative way to find it.

Sunny (16:50.284)
Right.

Sunny (16:57.899)
Yeah. Yeah. And I think talking about it openly and honestly also takes that fear out of talking about money, right? Because everyone's like, you don't talk about money. Don't talk about money. Don't talk about money. We're saying the exact opposite. Talk about it. Because when you have this fear around it, okay, that that's not gonna get you more money. Being fearful of money, either having it, not having it, that fear is gonna keep you from money. Trust me. Yeah.

Lindsay (17:12.694)
Yeah. It sure it sure does. And you know, so on the flip side of that, you know, I've worked with a lot of exceedingly wealthy families as well. And the kids who everyone perceives, you know, their friends or their other kids in school will say, well, they have enough money to do whatever. You know, everybody has enough money to do whatever. Maybe you're not flying around in a private jet, but that's also kind of a thing that happens in certain families because it's the only way their family can function due to how mom and dad work. They might be, you know, in Hollywood. They have other things they gotta do. And so that's part of how their family functions. It's not about judgment of your better or worse. Again, I'm gonna go back to my favorite question. What experience are you wanting to have? Because it isn't always money that solves the experience. You can create another way. And so....

Sunny (17:59.437)
Yeah.

Lindsay (18:17.351)
It's valuable to have those discussions and to be open and honest and just say, Yeah, we love money. Bring it on! you know.

Sunny (18:24.157)
Ha ha.

Lindsay (18:28.164)
What would we like to do with it? That's all. So yeah. I love the conversation of money. Bring it on, people. 

Sunny (18:37.462)
Yeah.