Truth or Manipulation? Empowering Kids to Know the Difference

Lindsay Andreotti: Hey, hey everybody and welcome back to Good Mom, I'm Lindsay.

Sunny Gault: And I'm Sunny. Hi guys.

Lindsay Andreotti: Hello, we're so glad to have you here and Sunny, I gotta tell you this morning, the topic of the day is really trying to understand the difference between truth and manipulation and...

Sunny Gault: Hmm.

Lindsay Andreotti: Not from the standpoint of just it's, know, absolute truth versus total horse pucky. It's more that dialing it in in the middle. How do you discern the difference and how do you know? And so I'm gonna tell a little story. And then I hope that you'll talk a little bit too about your experiences with this. I think what's kind of interesting, so in truth, when you're talking from your heart, you know the difference, right? We can all feel that.

Sunny Gault: Mm-hmm.

Lindsay Andreotti: And I'm pretty sure our audience is going, yeah, yeah, get it. And you know, when you're not speaking from your heart or from the truth, you kind of get a little bit wonky about it. Like, I'm not really sure what I just said, you know, whatever. It just gets a little weird.

Sunny Gault: Yeah. Yeah.

Lindsay Andreotti: And we all know that feeling. We all know it. Don't pretend you don't. You do. Trick is to teach your kids how to recognize that feeling. Because here's the thing. They're not always gonna know the content that is coming at them. It's not gonna always make sense. God knows we get a lot of contents in our way. Whatever it is. Including this video you're listening to right now. But... It's knowing the difference. Like, yes, this resonates for me. This feels good in my body. My heart warms up. I feel comfortable. I feel happy. I feel joy. Whatever the positive word is that a kid can feel. That's truth for them.

Sunny Gault: Right.

Lindsay Andreotti: And it's when we teach that that our kids become even more unstoppable. Because no matter what comes flying at them, they can discern the difference. 

Sunny Gault: Yep.

Lindsay Andreotti: And so maybe you can talk a little bit about your experience of things flying at your kids. And I will also talk a little bit about some other examples that'll help our audience. So.

Sunny Gault: Yeah, discernment is something that I end up talking a lot about. So I have another podcast that I do for all the news that I'm involved with as kind of a news recap. And I'm always telling people, listen, you've got a lot of stuff coming at you. I mean, we've got stuff on our devices and you know, if you're on your computer or wherever you're at, you know, billboard or shopping mall, whatever it is, there's all these different messages coming at you. And the more you're able to practice discernment, the easier it is to be able to look at something and realize it's not for you. For whatever reason, I believe it's a frequency, right? It just doesn't align with my frequency at the moment. Maybe down the line it will. Who knows, you know? Because we could be talking about things that are good for you too, but you just don't align with it quite yet, right? There might be messages or whatever that's just like, kind of understand part of that. That kind of makes sense to me, but not the whole thing. And I think what's important is that we align with what feels good with us in the moment. Now that doesn't mean like, I'm gonna go drinking and living it up and feel good. Like, I mean, you have to be in alignment, right? With things that are good for you. And so when I think about this as a mom, the thing that I am trying to encourage my girls about right now, you know, we... and they have a lot of advertisements that are coming their way. You can imagine, know, kids like to be online.

Lindsay Andreotti: Mm-hmm. Yep.

Sunny Gault: I'll give you a couple different examples. The things that, what's driving me crazy right now, Lindsay, is my girls, I have twin girls, they're 11 years old. They're beautiful little things. They've, you know, whatever. They don't need makeup. They don't need all that kind of stuff. But...

Lindsay Andreotti: Yeah. Right, they're just perfect. Yeah.

Sunny Gault: But that's not what TikTok is telling them. TikTok is telling them. I'm amazed at how many young girls are sucked into this idea of all this skincare stuff that they think that they need at 11 years old. And I've told them numerous times. I'm like, Why do you, you know, I ask questions. I'm like, so what is it about that that feels good to you? You know, why, you know, I like the way it smells or whatever, you know? 

Lindsay Andreotti: Good.

Sunny Gault: And it's like, have you? considered other things about that product. Because I always like to look at things from a health perspective because I want them to be as healthy as possible. So I'm like, okay, it might smell good. What's making it smell good? Maybe we should look at some of the ingredients because those aren't real fragrances. Like you think it smells like rose petals. That's not rose petals, right? 

Lindsay Andreotti: We are.

Sunny Gault: Let's look and see. that's that word that you can't even pronounce, that chemical, right?

Lindsay Andreotti: Yeah, yeah, exactly. That long word that has too many syllables. Yeah.

Sunny Gault: But it's so frustrating to me because they feel, it's even more skincare than makeup. It's, I don't know. And so the other thing that just came to mind, I think it was yesterday. So you've heard of the game Roblox. Have you heard of that before? Okay.

Lindsay Andreotti: Yes, yes I have heard of it, yeah.

Sunny Gault: Okay, so my daughters, you know, like to play Roblox and what one of the things that's kind of cool is that it's multiplayer so you can go into these games and play with kids all over the world. That can be scary too. You got to be careful because I guarantee there's people in there that aren't kids, right? 

Lindsay Andreotti: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Sunny Gault: But because we live so far away from family, one of the things they like to do is hop on there with their cousins and play with their cousins and chat back and forth with their cousins. And one of the things that my daughter was telling me yesterday is that right now is the time of this recording, the TV show, Stranger Things is really popular, right? 

Lindsay Andreotti: Mm-hmm.

Sunny Gault: And she was telling me how she used her own money, because again, they have their own money to buy this stuff. 

Lindsay Andreotti: Right?

Sunny Gault: It's not just us buying it, but they make money dog walking and doing things like that. So they have their own money and she's buying credits to change her clothes in the game so she can have a She's spending money for a Stranger Things t-shirt in the game.

Lindsay Andreotti: Mm-hmm. Yep. In the game. Yep.

Sunny Gault: And my mind does not compute. I'm like, what? What?

Lindsay Andreotti: Right. 

Sunny Gault: Why? What is going on? But again, it's that kind of superficial, you know, I don't know. I just see it coming at them from so many different angles. And I'm like, it's not even a Stranger Things t-shirt you could wear outside. It's in a game. Like, I don't know. But there's, they are constantly bombarded with this. And I feel like it's manipulation. Yeah.

Lindsay Andreotti: So let me tackle it. Well, it is. It's manipulation and so yes. Okay. So the external world is manipulating your daughter into thinking that if I have a Stranger Things t-shirt, I'm going to be fill in the blank. Okay.

Sunny Gault: Yeah. Right.

Lindsay Andreotti: Whatever that is, that's the external world. The question that's underneath all that is so why does she want to be that word that is fill in the blank? 

Sunny Gault: Mm-hmm.

Lindsay Andreotti: So as a parent, learning how to question the value set. When you're a young teen, an early teen, it is so difficult to find yourself. You know, you are bombarded by other kids opinions of you, other parents, you're in classes, you're in different, you know, whatever athletic things, whatever it is...

Sunny Gault: Right.

Lindsay Andreotti: You are bombarded by the external world telling you how you fit. 

Sunny Gault: Yes.

Lindsay Andreotti: But what isn't being taught very often is what do you value most? Now, there's a caveat to this and for moms who are really into their religion, please pay attention here because oftentimes what we will say to kids is things like, Jesus wouldn't do that. Mohammed would not allow that. Some guy who lived thousands of years ago would tell you that's not okay.

Sunny Gault: Ha ha ha!

Lindsay Andreotti: Again, very externally focused. Okay.

Sunny Gault: Yes. Yeah.

Lindsay Andreotti: What is so important for kids at that age to start discerning is what do they value most? 

Sunny Gault: Mm-hmm.

Lindsay Andreotti: So if one of your daughters is getting sucked into the algorithm that wants to sell her the Stranger Things t-shirt, she may have a value for beauty, fashion design, something that's along the notion of, how can we create alternative worlds? Who knows?

Sunny Gault: Right.

Lindsay Andreotti: But it's the job of the parent to try to cull that out. Like, tell me more about that. What about that thing that you just did really meant something for you, right? 

Sunny Gault: Yeah.

Lindsay Andreotti: And we have, you know, we have to be careful because we have to practice genuine carry curiosity, not imposter curiosity.....

Sunny Gault: Mm-hmm.

Lindsay Andreotti:  Which imposter curiosity looks like. Why'd you do that? That's stupid.

Sunny Gault: Yeah.

Lindsay Andreotti: That's not being curious people. So in this place of discernment, especially at the tender young age that your daughters are 11, 12, 13, that grouping, man, man, you guys pay attention to what your kids are doing and what gives them great joy. And rather than coming at it with judgment, if you will, and I'm not saying you did that, Sunny, but I'm just, I know me....

Sunny Gault: Sure, sure.

Lindsay Andreotti: I know I did it. It's like, why would you do that?

Sunny Gault: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Lindsay Andreotti: I can't do that anymore. It's if I have to check myself at the door and go, okay, I got to get really curious about what about that dog sweater made you thrilled to have that for me.

Sunny Gault: Yeah, right.

Lindsay Andreotti: It doesn't bring any joy. It doesn't bring anything. It was more like that's kind of dorky, right? So, so this is the key. This is. the hard work right here.

Sunny Gault: Yeah, yeah. You know, one of the things Lindsay, was thinking as you were talking is part of it too, and this is hard to do with your kids at a young age, but I think the younger you start kind of putting this in their minds, in their world, the easier it will be for them. And that is kids feeling comfortable in their own skin. Because what I find is that if, and I've got another... My son, my middle son, constantly puts logos on himself. 

Lindsay Andreotti: Yeah? Yeah?

Sunny Gault: Like he, that's all he wears are attire that has like Adidas, Nike, whatever, know, logo on it. And I think that the, it's almost like a mask. It's like, I know this is popular. It's almost like a cover up. Like you don't quite feel comfortable just. being you and just standing as you. 

Lindsay Andreotti: Yeah.

Sunny Gault: And then you're also advertising. I tell my kids, I'm like... Why are you advertising for free for these companies? I guess that's another conversation, but still feel comfortable in who you are so you don't, whatever it is, maybe it's not a logo, maybe it's wearing so much makeup we can't even see what you look like. Maybe it's always wearing a hat...

Lindsay Andreotti: Yeah, whatever it is.

Sunny Gault: And whatever, because you don't want to show yourself, but we have to start feeling comfortable in our own skin and understanding who we are. And it goes along with what you were talking about. You have to know what feels good for you and all of that. You also have to know yourself too, I think, to answer some of those questions. Don't just cover yourself up in whatever way you're choosing to do it, you know? And it's process. It's not going to happen overnight. And I know kids, you know, so and so has this. I want the same thing. So there's a lot of that going on. I get it. But the earlier we can start with empowering our kids of, you know, feeling confident in their own skin, I think the more successful we're going to be. And they're going to be.

Lindsay Andreotti: This is so right on. And so we will definitely hold the confidence conversation into another episode...

Sunny Gault: Yeah.

Lindsay Andreotti: But it is so critical that they understand where it comes from for themselves. And by the way, parents, you are the number one and number two influencers of your children's confidence.

Sunny Gault: Right.

Lindsay Andreotti: And all of that stems from their ability to have strengthened their own discernment. and the ability to communicate what works for them, what lights them up, what keeps them alive versus what we want them to have.

Sunny Gault: Mm-hmm.

Lindsay Andreotti: And it, this is where the rubber meets the road because so many of us have been trained. I'm in my sixties, Sunny's younger. We got younger moms out there. I'm just saying we got trained. 

Sunny Gault: Right.

Lindsay Andreotti: We got programmed that a certain way you do things is the way you should do it. And our parents did it that way too. Well, I hate to tell you that is the absolute antidote to thriving children in the next century. 

Sunny Gault: Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep.

Lindsay Andreotti: Antidote, don't do that because we don't know what it's supposed to look like. All we know is that they need to know for themselves what it looks like. That's it. 

Sunny Gault: Right. Yep. Yep.

Lindsay Andreotti: And that's going to be hard because we have to unprogram. I mean, I still you shouldn't eat that. I need to stop saying Should or shouldn't anything.

Sunny Gault: Right.

Lindsay Andreotti: I don't know. Maybe you should eat a box of Cheez-Its and feel sick later. I don't know!

Sunny Gault: So you learn not to do that next time.

Lindsay Andreotti: And maybe that's it. You know, it's, it's kind of funny. We try to keep them safe. We do our best. We want to keep them alive.

Sunny Gault: Yeah.

Lindsay Andreotti: We want to keep them thriving. The real bottom line is by the time they're about 15, they need to know what it is that keeps them alive and thriving.

Sunny Gault: Yeah.

Lindsay Andreotti: And then we just get to have fun after that, you know, all rolling, but holy smokes.

Sunny Gault: Right. Mm-hmm.

Lindsay Andreotti: It's, this is the key to this next generation. That's it.

Sunny Gault: Yeah, yeah, the earlier they're allowed to practice that, then I feel like it's going to be easier for them. Like if they don't figure out till 15, that's OK. But, you know, the earlier we give them permission to just figure it out and not go with the flow, but give them that space. 

Lindsay Andreotti: Absolutely.

Sunny Gault: You know, we've talked about that quite a bit, you know, we need to keep them safe, but let them explore, let them figure some of this stuff out. Otherwise, they're just going to go with what's easiest, you know, whatever they're being led toward and all that's external. You want them really, you know, it needs to be more internal, you know, analysis, not what is the external world telling me. So.

Lindsay Andreotti: Absolutely. I have a really good story for this real quick.

Sunny Gault: Okay.

Lindsay Andreotti: I was divorced from their dad when my oldest was nine and the youngest was seven. And that was a hard time in their lives. You know, they were in the fourth and second grade or whatever. And I remember it really, really well that my former husband and I, their dad, we made a point of letting the kids choose when they wanted to be. in our house or the other house. 

Sunny Gault: Okay.

Lindsay Andreotti: And we said, look, we're not going to put boundaries around this other than when we have plans or we have to work or, know, we'd have to figure out our own scheduling, but they were allowed to pick. Like I would really like to go to dad's house Thursday and I'll see you on Saturday. Okay. Bye. 

Sunny Gault: Okay.

Lindsay Andreotti: You know, like they were allowed to make those choices and they will tell you to this day, it was like the greatest experience of their lives because they got both parents. and nobody was fighting about what day it was. It's just, do you want to go or don't you? 

Sunny Gault: Yeah.

Lindsay Andreotti: And if the answer was yes, then they'd go and they had sets of friends in both places. And you know, it was very reasonably seamless for a divorced family, you know? And so I put that out there because they learned very early that we weren't telling them where they needed to be. They had to choose. What do you want to be? Where do you want to go?

Sunny Gault: Right. Right.

Lindsay Andreotti: Yeah. So there you go.

Sunny Gault: That's a great example. I've never heard of anyone doing that, Lindsay. That's pretty awesome. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah.

Lindsay Andreotti: Very few. Very few. Yeah. It was cool. And someday we'll bring the kids on and they can talk about that. 

Sunny Gault: Right.

Lindsay Andreotti: You know, what the experience was like for them. But they, you know, sometimes they would fight us about it. Like, no, you tell us where we need to be. No, you decide. Where do you want to be? Because we're cool. I've got food for dinner. What do you want to do? 

Sunny Gault: Yeah. Right.

Lindsay Andreotti: You know, and the decision making at such a young age was... maybe bigger than they wanted to have at such a young age. And my son talks about that now.

Sunny Gault: Mm-hmm.

Lindsay Andreotti: It's like, I didn't want, I just wanted to be a kid. I didn't want to pick. Well, I'm like, sometimes that's true, but I think you're going to have to pick the whole rest of your life. Like this.

Sunny Gault: It would be interesting to hear from them as to what decisions or how that impacted them in other small ways, if they've even been able to recognize that. because you guys allowed them that opportunity, I'm willing to bet there are other things that were happening at that time, you know, maybe they build upon or whatever that just made them more independent and made them better, you know. critical thinkers about what is it that I want and how does this work with this and you know really just using your brain instead of being told this is what you got to do because that's what I feel like most our society tells us you're the parent and you tell the kids that you you know best.

Lindsay Andreotti: Exactly right. I don't know. I'm not really sure. know, am I? Yeah, exactly. There were times too when my former husband and I would look at each other because the kids would say, we want to go to Grammy's house. Yeah, I can see why you'd want to go there too because she will just spoil your rotten. You know, mean truthfully. And so we're like, yeah, OK, we have to limit that maybe a little bit. You know, but like, you have parameters. Yeah.

Sunny Gault: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, you have parameters, right? You gotta keep them safe. You gotta, yeah.

Lindsay Andreotti: And sometimes.

Sunny Gault: Yeah.

Lindsay Andreotti: And then it created conversations like, wow, you know, I really was hoping you'd be here for dinner tonight. Are you willing to have dinner with me tonight? And they would go, yes or no. Like, no, I'm not. What would really make me happy is to go do this with my friends at dad's or whatever it was. That as a parent was a very big growing experience for both my former husband and I. Very big.

Sunny Gault: I bet.

Lindsay Andreotti: Like, how do you let them just, okay.

Sunny Gault: Yeah.

Lindsay Andreotti: And you know, as Mel Robbins would say, let them. Well, I'm arguing or saying, let them earlier. They need to know how to do this and what to choose that is in their best interest.

Sunny Gault: Mm-hmm.

Lindsay Andreotti: It's hard. Not telling you it's the easiest thing ever, but it's so good for them. They feel more confident. Yeah.

Sunny Gault: Right. I bet, yeah, makes sense.